If You Could Only See
by FumbleOfReality
Summary: Song fic. Sort of an AU. It's about the X-Men (duh). I can't say any more without giving it away. :) Please r/r. :)


Disclaimers are at the bottom. 

~`~`~`~ 

If you could only see the way she loves me   
Then maybe you would understand   
Why I feel this way about our love   
And what I must do   
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says   
When she says she loves me 

Some say I don't deserve her. Maybe I don't. Sometimes when I look at her face and see her innocence in her beautiful blue eyes, I wonder what I did to deserve her, what I did to deserve her love. Lord knows I've got enough blood on my hands for any twenty people. I've done some things that I can't even bring myself to even think about telling anyone, let alone her. The complete knowledge of my past would scare her away, and I can't handle that. That's why I have to go. 

Well you got your reasons   
And you got your lies   
And you got your manipulations   
They cut me down to size 

Life hasn't been perfect with her. Before we were, uh, "together" I guess you could say, it wasn't exactly a fairy tale kind of beginning for a relationship. Things we'd both done, people we'd left to be with each other, words said out of unbridled emotions had taken its toll even before we were officially together. When I get caught up in the fact that I can proudly walk down the street with such a beautiful woman, both inside and out, on my arm, my mind, ruthless as always, brings up such memories and I am once again put in my place. 

Sayin' you love but you don't   
You give your love but you won't 

The beginning was very rocky for both of us. We'd both left another to be with each other and the wounds on our hearts hadn't even begun to scab over when we became an "item." To say we were both afraid of being hurt again doesn't even begin to explain how much this new relationship scared us both, but we had to give it a go. We both saw what it could be so we gritted our teeth and covered our hearts to try to get us there. The beginning was made of desperate confessions that later turned out to be false due to attempts of pleasing the other. It didn't take long for me to realize the falsely said declarations. It also didn't take me long to realize it was a beginning of things to come. 

If you could only see the way she loves me   
Then maybe you would understand   
Why I feel this way about our love   
And what I must do   
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says   
When she says she loves me 

I realized that no matter how true our feelings were for each other and how happy we were, there would always be something there, something lurking in the shadows ready to rear its ugly head at us. My past is a long line of lies, betrayals, death, and pain. It's also full of people that are a little more then willing to throw everything in my face. It's because of this that I have to go. I love her too much to show her my closet full of skeletons and ghouls. I don't want to have to look into her lovely eyes and see her shame and disapproval. I also don't want to see the pain. I love her too much to do that to her. 

Seems the road less traveled   
Shows happiness unraveled   
And you got to take a little dirt   
To keep what you love   
That's what you gotta do 

We haven't always been this in love. After the rocky beginning, we came to an understanding and went from there. The lover shed left to be with me was a little angry with me, to put it lightly. I refused to be left alone in a room with that man. The look in his dark eyes was enough to make my breath catch. To say he wished me dead is an understatement. But, I'm civil with him…for her. She gives me a pleading look, her eyes begging me to not start anything with her ex-lover. She pats my arm lightly, as encouragement and sometimes a quick kiss on my cheek as a promise of things to come later if I'm a good boy. Ah, what one does for love and lovin'. 

Sayin' you love but you don't   
You give your love but you won't   
You're stretching out your arms to something that's just not there   
Sayin' you love where you stand 

Come to think of it, her ex-lover was the cause for our first "big" argument. She's convinced that he'll forgive her and have a friendship with her. I tried to tell her that he's not the forgiving type and that she was wasting her time. The look on her face stopped my heart. Her lips quivered in her effort to hold her tears and her eyes were pain and anguish personified. After a few minutes of absolute silence, she told me she could get him to forgive her. She told me with tears streaming down her face that he had to, she needed him to forgive her. The subject never came up again. 

If you could only see the way she loves me   
Then maybe you would understand   
Why I feel this way about our love   
And what I must do   
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says   
When she says she loves me 

Despite what anyone says, or may whisper behind my back, I do love that woman. I may not have the most wonderful history with women, but she is the love of my life. She is the reason I get out of bed every morning. She is the reason I find an excuse every day to put one foot in front of the other. When I'm feeling like giving up, I picture her. I picture her eyes and the way they proclaim her love for me without any words. She is the reason. 

Sayin' you love but you don't   
You give your love but you won't   
Sayin' you love where you stand   
Give your heart when you can 

She says she understands me. She says she's seen all my demons. She says she doesn't care. I know better. Any one who dared to get close to me would fine it hard not care about my so-called demons. When she tells me she sees the person I am now and accepts my past, I think she's trying to herself this more then she's trying to tell me. I have to give her credit, though. She still gave me her heart. 

If you could only see the way she loves me   
Then maybe you would understand   
Why I feel this way about out love   
And what I must do   
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says   
When she says she loves me 

Maybe now she'll get her so badly craved forgiveness. Maybe now the bad-tempered Canuck will forgive her. She is, after all, his little "fire-cracker." I hope that because of the pain I must cause her, he'll find it in his cold heart to forgive her. My demons have not left me alone as I'd wished they would. So it is with a heavy heart that I must say good bye to my Chere.   
  


Disclaimer: I don't own Remy, Jubilee, and Logan. I don't own Tonic's "If You Could Only See," though I do have both of their awesome CD's. ") 

Author's Note: This is probably all not true. I don't read the comics. I don't know if Jubilee and Logan ever got together, but I've read enough fan fic to know that the possibility is there. This is an AU of sorts, so please don't burn me too bad. :)   



End file.
